Learning to Love Myself: One Step at a Time

Image via footage.shutterstock.com

My sweet friend Sarah Kagan (who's becoming a regular contributor around here) has so kindly offered to step in today since I am rockin' and rollin' this week with health coaching and workshop prep!  She just spent the last few months dealing with a training injury that taught her a very valuable lesson.  Thank you, Sarah, for being brave enough to share your personal reflection with us today!

BY: SARAH KAGAN, CONTRIBUTOR

I decided I would run 1,000 miles in 2013. It was a respectable number, but one that would ultimately be more a test of my determination than my ability. I had been getting more serious about running over the last few months, and I knew I could physically handle it as long as I was committed.

In order to hold myself accountable, I started writing my miles down on a calendar. Similar to a food journal, I could see how many miles I had run and on how many days each week, and I kept a running total [no pun intended] at the top of each month to track my progress.  

At first, it was empowering to see my calendar littered with tallies. But then there were a few days of bad weather, followed by a few days I was on vacation, followed by a few days when I was just plain busy. I was slipping behind, and finding it increasingly more difficult to catch up.

So I ran harder. I was turning my rest days into run days, and even staying in on Saturday nights in order to get up early and log more miles on Sunday. I started to develop, by all accounts, an unhealthy relationship with my goal. No matter what number stared back at me, it never seemed to be enough. I pushed through pain and fatigue, determined to reach my benchmarks no matter what.

Until one day about two months ago, something happened. One minute I was fine, soaking in the early spring sunshine as I rounded the final corner towards home, and then just like that, I wasn’t. Within seconds, I found myself in more agony than I knew how to handle. And still, with tears streaming down my face, I ran. After what felt like an eternity, with pain radiating from my back, hip, and side, I hobbled through my front door, grabbed a pen, and logged my miles. I promised myself a rest day to follow, but assumed I would be back in my sneakers in no time.

Within two days, I was limiting my movement to accomplish only the bare necessities. And then I wasn’t really moving at all. And finally, when even the idea of moving brought me tears, I called my family for help. My brother drove up from Philadelphia and took me home to my parent’s house, which is where I spent two weeks laying on the floor, unable and unwilling to move.

Image via community.mainlinehealth.org

I was frustrated, confused, and angry. As a health coach and cooking teacher, I pride myself on being healthy. I know all the rules, eat a clean diet, and exercise regularly. Doctor after doctor, I longed for answers…. but somewhere between their indifference and my overwhelming frustration I knew exactly how this happened to me. The need to be seen as a runner, to align my own self worth with a physically demanding goal, to ignore my instincts and body for the sake of putting numbers on a chart is how this happened to me. I let running and meeting my goal become such a part of my identity that I stopped listening to my own needs, and stopped identifying with my body. It was a very, very painful reality check.

It took two weeks and an injection in my muscle before I was able to walk again, and it was another month before I finally laced up my sneakers. I never thought a mile could seem as far as it did that first day. But now, rather than beat myself up for not running farther, faster, or more often, I am celebrating myself for ever step. I am grateful for every minute I am able to spend outside, pavement under my feet, slowly building my mileage. I know that reaching my 1,000 mile goal this year is out of the question, and I am okay with that. But life is like that. Sometimes you reach the finish line, meet your ideal weight, or land your dream job… and sometimes just being able to put one foot in front of the other is enough.

Working as a chef on an organic farm in Costa Rica, Sarah Kagan discovered her passion behind the stove and around the dinner table. She moved to Brooklyn last fall and currently serves as the Director of Wellness + Food Education for Butter Beans Kitchen, where she teaches tiny tots the joys of getting messy in the kitchen. You can follow Sarah’s kitchen chronicles on her blog, www.beyondthebatter.org, or spend some one on one time with the girl behind the batter at a private cooking class or party. From pancakes to tier cakes, Sarah loves all things food related, and she loves sharing her passion with others.

Advice From The Experts: You're Only Invincible In Your Own Mind

That's Rachel...right there in the middle!

It's taken me almost 30 years to realize I'm not invincible. Maybe you're smarter and learned this tough lesson sooner, but I definitely did not. It snuck up on me slowly. Real stealth-like. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Do you feel it too? Maybe you're not so quick to bounce back after a workout, maybe you find yourself more tired these days or maybe you received a diagnosis from the doctor that finally made the message loud and clear.

I think most of us feel like we're doing pretty good until we find out we're not. For some people, it's a gradual realization. For others, it's a 'smack in the face' kind of moment. Tomorrow, my high school friend Rachel Boyd will be sharing her story with you. Rachel was diagnosed last year with a long-term illness. At the time, this was a woman who could count her sick days on one finger. That's right! Just one finger! Obviously the news was shocking and scary, but I'm happy to tell you that Rachel has seized the day and faced her illness with incredible courage. Tomorrow, she'll share her story with you, and even though it's serious stuff, you'll probably giggle as you read it. She's got a snarky sense of humor, a great perspective on something 'not so great' and some thoughtful tips to share with those who may be dealing with the same thing (or know someone who is). Stay tuned for Rachel's article tomorrow! You won't want to miss it!

The Experts Weigh In: When Your Body Turns On You

BY: MARNI BLAKE ROTHMAN, CONTRIBUTOR

Isn't it nice to grow up completely worry-free? Because you and I both know that once you graduate college, 'life' begins. When I turned 23, I was sucker punched in the gut with medical news that would change my life forever.

Denial is a beautiful thing. When you're still young, you don't realize that your body can actually turn on you. I never had any issues growing up. I danced my whole life, constantly attending competitions and performing. I was always moving. I never sat down. Even after college, I continued moving, whether it was yoga, boxing classes, Pilates, cycling or working with personal trainers. I was ALWAYS doing something!

My medical journey began one night while I was working my dream job at VH1. I had stayed overnight to edit, spending the entire time staring at a computer monitor. After only a few hours of sleep, I noticed - while putting on my makeup - that my eyesight was blurry. I immediately blamed it on being tired and went on with my week, but my eyesight didn't get any better. It was like seeing a cloud everywhere I turned.

Assuming I needed glasses, I went to the optometrist to pick out some cool Prada frames, but low and behold, I didn't need glasses. I needed an MRI. PRONTO. After being admitted to the hospital, getting shot up on steroids, undergoing an MRI and spinal tap, and seeing three different doctors in one month, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. My first red flag just happened to be the optical neuritis.

I was so young! I felt nothing short of shocked. I was in a state of denial, refusing to let any health diagnosis stop me. I didn't even know what MS was. Today, I can share that it's an autoimmune disease that affects the nervous system. My nerves don't transfer properly, causing symptoms such as blurry vision, numbness and tingling. The worst part is that no two people have the same symptoms, making it that much harder to cure.

I continued my young adult life - partying late into the night, dancing at clubs and hanging out with people I shouldn't have. I wanted to tell my body "I'll show you!". After starting to fall down drunk and never knowing whether my symptoms were a result of the MS or a nasty hangover, I knew I had to make a serious change. I curtailed the partying and focused on my career. 

For me, the biggest hurdle with MS is listening to my body. I'm a workaholic and definitely overdo it. It's hard for me to say "Maybe I shouldn't work these hours" or "Maybe I shouldn't go out tonight". I don't want MS to stop me from anything. When I got my diagnosis, I continued to workout because I knew exercise was really important. I was actually devastated when my doctors told me to stay away from my favorite - hot yoga - because any room at that temperature can bring on MS symptoms.

After injecting myself three times a week with medication (the worse) while living alone in New York, I decided to move to LA. Of course, my parents were concerned. What if I had symptoms and needed their assistance? But luckily, I went away with their support, which I am grateful for, because I would have regretted never having tried out a new city.

Living in LA was great for my MS. The weather was perfect. I was taking advantage of all LA had to offer. I hired a personal trainer at Crunch, was seeing her daily and was also spinning once a week. One day, after doing a deadlift, I felt an awful pain shoot through my back. For the next few days, I actually thought it was an MS symptom. I had no idea that I had just done something stupid at the gym. The next few months resulted in multiple bouts of steroids to help the pain, but it only got worse. The pain got so bad that I could barely drive or sleep. After an epidural - which didn't work in the least - I had to stop working out altogether. It got so bad that I resorted to spinal surgery. 

After surgery, I was told that I couldn't work out. It was an awful message to receive. I became depressed and starting popping pain pills, barely able to move out of my bed. When my disc actually re-herniated, I had to have a second spinal surgery. I had reached an all time low. Luckily, I had a very supportive boyfriend in LA, but all signs were pointing back to New York where my family was.

I returned to New York feeling utterly defeated. I was so traumatized from my first physical therapy experience, that there was no way I was going back. I just went back to work and started dreaming of the day that I could work out again.When my back started to feel better and there was no shooting sensation going down my leg, I started going to private Pilates sessions on the reformer, but soon became bored. I needed music! I needed something to get me going and change my mood. 

After reading an article in the NY Post about a new cycling studio called Flywheel Sports, I decided to take the chance and see if my body could handle the bike. I started taking classes in July of 2011 and was immediately hooked. The best part was that my back was not hurting! I didn't care what my numbers were after class. I had discovered a workout that my body accepted! This was breaking news for me personally. It's been over a year now since my first class, and I have not missed one week.

I still wake up every morning unsure of how my body is going to feel. There are times that I am exhausted and don't want to work out, but ultimately I know I will feel 100% better after a Flywheel class. This is not just a workout. It's a jump back to life. For years, I went to the gym and barely broke a sweat since I only wanted to wash my hair once a week (girls, I know you can relate). Now it's hard to believe that I actually found a workout where I am willing to wash my hair three times a week! 

I saw my body change, but more than anything, my mental state began to transform. For years, I felt my body hated me. Now I only feel that way occasionally. Granted I can't do every workout, but when I'm on that bike, my body works with me and I'm in my happy place.

Image courtesy of Melanie Greene Productions

The sense of community at Flywheel is awesome. The instructors, staff and my fellow riders are supportive and uplifting. Flywheel has done more for me than anyone could imagine. They even went so far as to help me organize an event - MSquared: Music Against MS - for the charity I created. The event gave me an opportunity to share my love for Flywheel with family and friends, while raising money for this incurable disease.

I'd like to leave you with this: From the perspective of social media, everyone's life looks so perfect and glamorous. The truth is, everyone has 'something' and THIS is MY 'something'. I have MS, I have a bad back, but I also have Flywheel. Hope can be found in the unlikeliest of places.

MSquared: Music Against MS will be participating in the 30-mile MS Bike Tour in New York on October 21^st and the music event is being held on November 7^th at Session 73 at 7pm.  For more info please see www.musicagainstms.com or look for us on Facebook.

Marni Blake Rothman lives in New York City, works in TV and is currently producing Long Island Medium, airing Sunday nights on TLC.  She's worked with BRAVO, VH1, MTV and HBO, to name a few. When she's not calling the shots at work, you can find Marni sitting on the couch with her boyfriend catching up on her DVR, at a music festival doing the hippie dance or running errands in her neighborhood. When asked what she loved best about NYC, Marni said "My cleaners, nail salon, hair salon, drugstore, yogurt store and liquor store are all on the same block. In any other city, my errands would take me an entire day!" Find out more about Marni at: www.marniblake.com.

The Experts Weigh In: Dance - A Catalyst for Physical, Mental and Spiritual Bliss

BY: JENNY BROE PRICE, CONTRIBUTOR

Got soul?  Have you ever been so drenched in sweat, so tuned in to your body, so connected with your mind and inseparable from your heart that you lived for only that moment?  

I have. There is amazing goodness that comes from dance not only as a form of exercise but as an expression of art and as a means of worship. It is quite rare to achieve all aspects of "the dance" every time you dance, but when you do somehow stumble across or skillfully achieve the triad of dance goodness (body, mind and soul), it is an unmatched experience in the flesh and an incredible lift of the spirit. It creates pure joy. Excitingly, though, each individual facet of goodness (not just the triad) is incredibly beneficial to us as human beings. The amount of benefit depends purely on what is important to YOU.

The Body.

Dance is a form of physical activity, that when taken seriously, requires great athletic prowess, flexibility and strength. The techniques involved are known for their stellar ability to shape and tone the human bod. I must attest to this. 3 hours+ of dance class (any form) every week will get you looking right and tight in no time. I have so many students (males especially) drop pounds without even realizing it, until one day their pants are falling off and all they can do is smile. What a sense of satisfaction.  

Dance is great for your endurance and cardiovascular health. Dance demands both anaerobic spurts of energy and aerobic tolerance, and it's a FUN way to shape up and slim down. You like pilates? Try ballet. Yoga? Try modern dance or tai chi. Aerobic classes like Zumba? You will most certainly be a convert to hip-hop and never look back. Salsa is a more social form that is also great for the midsection OR you could do more detail oriented and isolated work (like tap dancing) for some killer calves and great rhythm. Dance comes alive in over a thousand ways and styles, so needless to say there actually IS something for everyone. Have you ever seen a breakdancer with less than impressive abdominals? Case closed.  

The Mind.

It takes patience, concentration, a good memory, logical thinking, creativity and incredible coordination. I could be talking about playing videogames or perhaps constructing an architectural masterpiece, but I'm not. Dance is some of the BEST brain food. Math problems are good, dancing is better. It takes you out of your chair, out of your box and into a zone for your mind to connect with your body. That mind/body connection is crucial to successfully achieve a positive experience. It has been said that physical activity makes you smarter and less stressed. Yes. This is true. Dancers are happy people. You've heard of "leave your attitude at the door"? Well, you have to be in the "now" when you're dancing. It requires way too much mental and physical coordination to be caught up in that bad mood or depressed state you walked in the door with. Dancing forces you to be present. No regrets to weigh you down. No big ambitions to stress you out. Just that moment.    

The Soul.  

Want to feel close to God? Surrender in the dance. I am a professional dancer, instructor and choreographer in Charleston, South Carolina. I have been dancing the technique and art form for the better part of 17 years, but I just recently (as in the past two weeks) found a brilliant gem in praise dance. Worshiping and expressing thanks through dance and full body movement. You've probably belted out "Praise Ye Jesus" louder than your grandmother or aunt Gertrude could have cared for, so try moving to the beat of that phrase by guiding yourself through space and releasing your entire physical being. I call that dancing, and humans have been doing it since forever. It is in our spiritual DNA. It makes us happy and it pleases God. What a great combination. 

I could go into other well-being topics involving social interaction, culture and unifying the human race with dance, but I digress. Things are easy and attainable in threes...kind of like the waltz. Or the rock step. Or a pas de bourre. They just go well together.  1, 2, 3.   1, 2, 3.   1, 2, 3.  

Give the dance triad a try. It could help mold you into the type of person you want to be.

Images courtesy of Ryan Woolsey

Jenny Broe Price is taking the world of dance by storm. She is the Executive Director of Dancefx Charleston, the Co-Founder and Director of the Charleston Dance Festival (September 10-16) and the Head Coach of the Charleston Man of War All Star Dance Team. She lives and breathes to dance. When she does manage some 'me' time, you can find Jenny on the water with her husband, fishing for flounder, or reading up on plant biology. If you're in the Charleston area, check out one of her shows! You won't be disappointed.

www.dancefxcharleston.com
www.charlestonmanofwar.com
www.charlestondancefestival.com

Come in. Take a load off. Have a look around.

'THE FUN GIRLS' - From the left: My mother Sharon, 'yours truly' and my aunt Lenor (circa 1984).

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Isn't that the truth? I come from a long line of health-obsessed people, including my mother Sharon, a personal trainer and whole foods supplement sales rep, my brother Cale, a now retired professional mixed martial arts fighter and state-ranked swimmer and my father Johnny, always and ever the coach of baseball teams, basketball teams and any other teams that needed his expert insight (which was usually something along the lines of 'Be aggressive!!!'). As a young child, I was 'forced' outside every single day after school by my mother. Being the nerdy kid that I was, I was happy as a bumblebee to just stay indoors... drawing, painting OR EVEN working on my homework as soon as I got home, but mom held to the conviction that children need lots of fresh air and exercise. I'm pretty sure she played a big part in instilling in me the desire to exercise, eat healthy and care for my mental and spiritual well-being. 


I've created this page because I love nutrition, health and fitness. I'm a runner, biker, swimmer, hiker, surfer, skydiver... you name it! I want to help YOU feed your body, mind and spirit. I'll be posting helpful and surprising information on food, exercise, stress-relief techniques and all those other important things you should know to live a long, healthy and happy life!

But I don't want to be the only teacher! I want this page to be a forum where we can all learn from each other. So 'comment' away OR if you'd like to be a guest writer, let me know!

...and remember to forgive me when I post the occasional splurge. Because it's all about balance and this girl can't turn down good food and wine! I live in New York City, after all.